Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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