He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
