Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
