So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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