My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
