I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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