I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize