During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was like his penis was on wheels.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
