PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
