Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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