the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
