false alarm. still invincible.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
