you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
