i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
