I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
