so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
