they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
