On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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