someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
