Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Bring me that man meat
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
