so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
