I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
