***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
