So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
