im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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