She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
