glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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