The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
