I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
