We need to rekindle our bromance
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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