Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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