i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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