Jerry, you need to find god
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just high enough for therapy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
