I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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