yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
