do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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