i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
