i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
