Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
