a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
