It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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