At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
