Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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