problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
