It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I came so hard my ears popped.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
