I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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