Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
