How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
