Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
