I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
