i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
