no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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