I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
