Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
