Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This house was built for laser tag.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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