Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
