Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
