Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
