Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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