Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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