My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
