is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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