Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
