I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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