I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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