i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
