Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
