I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize