i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
