my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
