also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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