Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
