oh god the rape fog is back!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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