It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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