Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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