speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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