D3 body, D1 cock
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
