Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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