gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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