I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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