Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
