One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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