getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I would ride that face into the sunset
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
