Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
