That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
