My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
