his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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