Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
