Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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