well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
