I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
