New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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