I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
