I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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