We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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